you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
