Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
