Jerry, you need to find god
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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