Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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