I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
