Kiss
Puke
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
