I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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