You can't special order awesome
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
