She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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