Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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