you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
