I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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