She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
