do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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