During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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