The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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