he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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