Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
