I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
