The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize