your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize