I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
