I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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