I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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