btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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