I don't think brook has ever known best
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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