I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
