Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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