How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
