I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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