Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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