I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
