The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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