I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want to make a zoo with you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
