would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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