I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
