nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
