Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
