How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
