): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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