My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
