Me too!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just found puke in my bra..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
