You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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