Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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