I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
