I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
