what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
