I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
