is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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