i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize