dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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