The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
