do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
