Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
