I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
