Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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