Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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