pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
