I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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