Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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