I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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