she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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