Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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