I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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