I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
