I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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