maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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