I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
