i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Randomize
