so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
